type…

Saw you in the supermarket
and wondered what your kiss tastes like

in the mouth of my mind
subtle hints of nicotine, stale
traces of fresh dishonesty

you always lie to me, nigga

that christmas you gifted me 
gonorrhea of the throat 
i choked on a million regrets 
stuck in the toilet of my neck
and gagged on the burn of my own inability
to stop sucking your dick

kissed you even then
knowing that pretty mouth 
is a death trap

at the end of each day
i drink the venom of your mothers mothers
apothecaries of the dead
and you waterboard me with your words

i was drunk on the illusion of love
an idea i pieced together 
in the privacy of my desperation

dehydration  makes even toxic waste
look like water

i remember used condoms by the bedside
left by the tooth fairy 
who came 
to collect teeth knocked from my mouth

you fucked her too

i remember
the smell of other ass 
trapped in your crossroad
of your mustache
where pubis and mandible were made one

that was the only time your mouth
told the truth

you made my face unholy

I bleached my mouth
to supplement the inadequacy of toothbrush
that left me still smelling like 
something inside had died

i bought needles and thread
and watched you while you slept
i left my body, free-floating,  
and saw myself sewing shut 
the venus flytrap of your face

i collected your eyes 
in velvet satchels in my pocket
to carry like energy stones
that heal and balance my body
while keeping the evil away 

with my mouth closed
i dreamed of crushing your hips to fragments
and smudging your jaws with blood
so the next nigga you kiss and grind 
could gag on the aftertaste of my self-respect
rotting between your perfect teeth

i remember wanting so badly
to kiss your soul outside the deception of your body
like a romance of french corpses

i remember your body as a terrorist
that filled me with fear 
and blew up buildings inside me
each time you came

i remember bright red embers 
like little stop lights 
at the disappearing end of fags

you said they didn’t taste the same 
without the smell of my flesh
mixed in the smoke
 
i remember you so well 
i have no space to collect other events
and cannot imagine the luxury of new lips

not even the ones i am staring at
in the supermarket

you beat the drum of my ear
until sound is distorted 
like my body 
in this room full of carnival mirrors
i sleep
and dance
to the music of my burning flesh

words like i love you
sound like fuck you in the fire
forever, like never

your tongue touches me in the worst places
where i have forgotten the power of pleasure

you love me like the moon
you are like darkness in the daytime

i use my mouth to make wishes at wells
drop nine pennies for each of the lives you took
and ask the universe to make you into a mouth 
filled with penitence that cannot be uttered
for grace that will never  be given

wish you were a dragon
whose fire can only implode
so my skin might be safe from searing
while you melt into a putrid mound of inexistence 

wish you a new kind of cancer 
that eats you from the inside out
and makes your mouth less appealing

we have never kissed
and i am already tasting my tears

your mouth covers mine in the worst ways
whispering words of love
while keeping me from breathing

what. kind. of CPR. is. this?

we have never kissed 
but you are already looking at my body
curling your lips into a smile
and singing curses as i greet the dead
and dance to zydeco tunes

from three feet away i smell your breath

 and just before i am unfrozen

you say, “hello…”

and in return  i say
“i will fucking kill you…
this time. “

so we keep walking 
and bite our lips until they bleed.”

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